Tuesday, 5 May 2015


So.....higher dose of amitriptyline seems to be making a small dent in the pain and a huge dent in my ability to stay awake!

Add to that the co-codamol that I am taking to try and tackle the large chunk of pain that the amitriptyline isn't dealing with and you have one very sleepy me.

Yesterday I got up at 10am having slept through since 11pm the night before.  I was asleep again in the afternoon - I think I managed to be awake for about 4 hours before I needed to hit the hay again!  

Today has been a little better.  I was up at 8.30 through necessity rather than choice and have managed to stay awake all day but I must admit its now almost 6pm and my eyes are fighting a losing battle to stay open!

The pain is more bearable with the combination of meds but still not at a level that means I can function properly.  Also, I have zero energy or enthusiasm for anything (even my crochet and knitting thing has fizzled out) and I am going stir crazy stuck in the house.

All good advice says that to deal with the depression and start getting my life back on track, I should be going out and trying to do some "normal" stuff like grocery shopping.  But I don't like going out because apart from looking like a zombie through exhaustion, I don't really look ill.

This is one of my biggest issues with this situation.  Pain is silent, invisible.  You can't see pain unless the person experiencing it doubles over or screws up their face.  My pain is so frequent that it takes a full on 9/10 for me to double over and I wouldn't screw my face up for anything less that a 6/10 but that doesn't mean that the pain I feel below a 6/10 isn't bad.  It is pain.  Strong pain.

Every day is a chance for the pain to lessen or stop.  I am holding on to that at the moment.  The meds can take weeks to have an effect so I am holding on to the possibility that tomorrow might be the day they finally work. 

One day I have to be right.  Please.

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